God,
Please send me someone who is understanding. Someone who will listen to my life story and not be ashamed of me. Someone who understands what it is like to be an outcast. Someone who is on my side. Someone who corrects me out of love. Someone who loves me just because I am me.
Cause nowadays I have no one. Any "friendship" that I have now feels like it is forced. I just want love.
I know you love me God and that is the greatest love of all. Please help me to know your love. Especially in a time when I feel like no one loves me at all.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Be Considerate and Consider Me
Lord,
I am not sure what you are trying to teach me. I have learned so much already. I am not saying that I am all knowing. I feel like in the process of teaching me something I have learned a lot. Gladly, I know that there is still much to learn. It just feels like I am in a tunnel and no matter the distance or the speed at which I walk I am constantly getting nowhere. I know that if I continue walking then at the end of the tunnel you will appear, but I am becoming so discouraged. Everywhere I go I feel alone. Even in YOUR HOUSE I feel distant from everything. Honestly, I am friendless. The "friends" I have are so strongly absorbed in themselves or in their boyfriends or just other friends that none of them have the time nor the energy to even consider me. To know this distance is painful. Colbie and Sarah are so involved in the life of Noah and Nathan that they seem to neglect everything else...including me. Sunday mornings are so hard, because I have nothing in common with them. Honestly, Those Women is something I do for you. You know that I have considered leaving plenty of times, but I know you have called me to that so I won't leave. I just need to focus on you. I have been serving you for a while. I feel like I have been doing okay thus far. I am constantly thriving to be more like you, but every good Christian looks to you as the goal. It just feels like everyone looks past me. They shun me. I don't know why they do, but they do. I am putting in so much effort to perhaps help where I am needed. I am constantly asking if they need me for anything, but they don't. But it feels like they don't even want me. Then there are the Kaylas and Bryses and Brittanys who are genuinely good people, but aren't at the spiritual level to understand what I am going through and then give me Godly and sound advice on how to handle the situations. They are immature. I am not fully matured, but I am not a baby drinking milk. Sometimes I just want to talk to someone; someone who will listen and hear me. Someone who will listen to the entire story of who I am. Now I could just talk to anyone, but You have given me the good sense of discretion. Also I don't trust people. At all. It is not even a matter or I don't easily trust people. Honestly, if you are outside of my family I have no trust in you. I just feel like a black sheep. I really love you Lord, and I don't mean to complain. I needed to talk to you, and get all this off my heart.
I am not sure what you are trying to teach me. I have learned so much already. I am not saying that I am all knowing. I feel like in the process of teaching me something I have learned a lot. Gladly, I know that there is still much to learn. It just feels like I am in a tunnel and no matter the distance or the speed at which I walk I am constantly getting nowhere. I know that if I continue walking then at the end of the tunnel you will appear, but I am becoming so discouraged. Everywhere I go I feel alone. Even in YOUR HOUSE I feel distant from everything. Honestly, I am friendless. The "friends" I have are so strongly absorbed in themselves or in their boyfriends or just other friends that none of them have the time nor the energy to even consider me. To know this distance is painful. Colbie and Sarah are so involved in the life of Noah and Nathan that they seem to neglect everything else...including me. Sunday mornings are so hard, because I have nothing in common with them. Honestly, Those Women is something I do for you. You know that I have considered leaving plenty of times, but I know you have called me to that so I won't leave. I just need to focus on you. I have been serving you for a while. I feel like I have been doing okay thus far. I am constantly thriving to be more like you, but every good Christian looks to you as the goal. It just feels like everyone looks past me. They shun me. I don't know why they do, but they do. I am putting in so much effort to perhaps help where I am needed. I am constantly asking if they need me for anything, but they don't. But it feels like they don't even want me. Then there are the Kaylas and Bryses and Brittanys who are genuinely good people, but aren't at the spiritual level to understand what I am going through and then give me Godly and sound advice on how to handle the situations. They are immature. I am not fully matured, but I am not a baby drinking milk. Sometimes I just want to talk to someone; someone who will listen and hear me. Someone who will listen to the entire story of who I am. Now I could just talk to anyone, but You have given me the good sense of discretion. Also I don't trust people. At all. It is not even a matter or I don't easily trust people. Honestly, if you are outside of my family I have no trust in you. I just feel like a black sheep. I really love you Lord, and I don't mean to complain. I needed to talk to you, and get all this off my heart.
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