Reign On Me

Reign on me
Like the sky reigns over the mountains
Reign on me
Like the world is filled with sky
Reign on me
And ignite all of your people
Reign on me
Reign on me

Exhausted

Lord,
I am exhausted. I don't know if I have placed myself around people with a lot going on or you placed me there, but I am emotionally exhausted. I am physically exhausted. I am spiritually exhausted. I have attempted to solve my issues myself. I have tried to grasp a handle on everything going on and when I do I find that it is all slipping away even quicker. Perhaps, if I just let go of it all You will take care of it. I know you will take care of it You always do, but I just still get worried. I guess I am still learning to trust you. It is still hard, but I know that I need to know you more. So, I can trust you more. I am just so dumb. It is like I know what to do, but I still want to attempt it my way, and then I fail. Ugh it is annoying. I am annoyed with myself again.

I have three people that are constantly on my mind: Matt, Megan, and Colton. Now, I love these people with all my heart. I believe I love Colton and Megan with the love of Christ...or at least I am getting there. Matt I know it is a fleshy love. It is not even a love thing it is more of desire issue. Now, if it be Your will I want to get past that I want to see Matt the way You see Matt. I want him to see You in me. I don't know what Your plan is for me and Matt's friendship, but all in all if it is the end then Amen if it is not Amen. All I ask is your will be done.

My legs are so tired. I have been working out so hard lately. I cannot even endure the thought of being this weight for the rest of my life. You have given me a body that should be functioning at a maximum capacity, and for me to be carrying all this weight that I shouldn't be is a disgrace. Now, my body that you created is not, but I am not taking care of it the way I should. I am not even taking care of my spirit the way I should. I really need you Lord. I know you are forever present, but please be here with me. I seek after You. I love You.

You are so magnificent and wonderful. I love You. I am always amazed about how mindful you are of me. How even when I don't see myself and I want to hide that you see me. You see my foolish and shame and faults and still love me unconditionally. I love you so much Lord and all I want to do is make you happy. Please help me; I need you Lord.

Love You Daughter,
Tosin

2010

Lord,
I really need your direction right now. Colton has entered into my life and I am unsure of what to do. All I know is that I don't want to do anything outside of your will. I am unsure of if I am getting ahead of myself. I am getting older and I don't want my emotions to guide me into something that I should not be involved with. I have dealt with so many guy issues this year.
Thank you Lord for teaching me though. Jake was a lesson in peer pressure and determining the difference between lust and love. Jake didn't love me. And just like Pastor Janet preached and what your Word said, I ended up hating Jake.
Matt is a lesson in not becoming consumed with one person, and that good is not God, but God is good.

This year has been interesting to say the least. Lord, all I know is that next year will be a big year for me. And like always, I need you every step of the way. I love you so much and I just thank you and give you praise for all you have done for me. I am not perfect nor will I ever be, but Your love for me is marvelous and beautiful. My mind cannot begin to fathom the awesomeness and greatness of all You are. You are a Mighty God; You are an Everlasting Father; You are Holy and Kind and Everything that I will ever Need. You are my Ultimate Blessing. To serve You everyday is my only desire. I love you so much, just because You are God. Thank you Father for being with me. Thank you Father for the mercy you have shown me.

Lord, I cannot see you the future. I barely can keep up with the present, but I know it is all in Your Capable Hands. So in 2010 let Your will be done for me, with me, through me, and in me. No matter what the outcome will be I will give you thanks.

I Love You Lord and in Jesus Name,
Amen

FAIL

It has been a bad day today. I am continuously making really stupid decisions. I feel worthless. I fell like there is absolutely no point to my existence right now. I feel like if I ended it all right now, I would be doing the world a huge favor. I got 2 B+ this semester and I feel so stupid because of it. I worked really hard on my papers. I wrote and went to class and did everything I could to succeed and I still failed. I failed. I am a failure. And what hurts the most is that I am failing at other things too.

I have no friends. FAIL
I feel disconnected from you. FAIL
I am going broke. FAIL
I am not losing weight. FAIL
I keep cussing. FAIL
I cannot produce a decent webseries. FAIL

Everything is a fail. It is hard to carry on. I need to know you still love me. Please still love me; I love you. Even if you didn't love me I love you. I need you and I want you. Please be here. Please.

Amen

Love and Such

God,
What am I supposed to do. Even in complete isolation, I cannot hear you. I am so lost and I need you to find me. I feel so unloved sometimes. Everywhere I go I am angry. I am lashing out at friends. I am questioning friends. I am honestly questing every relationship I have. Of the few I do have. The people I trust and the people who love me have dwindles down to nothing. I don't know what friend are my friends. I don't know how to talk to people and I feel so detached and separated from everyone. I hold my opinions and emotions to myself. I remember at the beginning of this year asking you to show me your love and I feel like I have failed. I failed myself and I failed you. Rather than thoroughly seeking and questing for you; I settled for Jake. Jake who I allowed to lead me into perversion and sexual immorality. Matt, Matt who didn't care about me not even as friend. These two people have consumed the latter half of 2009.

Lord, I am so sorry. You are the love I am searching for, but I have been so stubborn and so hard headed and so foolish. I have been so scared to surrender my heart to you. I'm scared that I will get hurt. When I am only hurting myself. Lord forgive me. Cleanse me and continue to teach me. Continue growing me spiritually.

Help me in all aspects of my life. In this diet show me what to eat and what exercises to do.
In my day to day life prompt me on what to say and stop me from saying hurtful things to people. In school teach me with your complete understanding of the material. Continue to mature me and make me into what you want for me to be.

Lord I love you. I need you. I want you.

In all things I give you thanks. In Jesus Name,
Amen

Helpless Desperate Hopeless Without You

God,
You have blessed me with a voice. I know it was created to sing of Your Glory, but I feel like it is fading. If that were not bad enough I sometimes don't even know if I am worshiping you. Every Sunday morning I will walk onto the risers, and I closes my eyes so I can take away all the faces and so I can focus on You, but I cannot feel You. I know You are there, for you are everywhere, but I please make it known to me. I need to know who you are. I want to know You. I don't mean to come off as impatient I am just desperate. I don't want to go down the first road I chose for desperation. God please make it evident what You want for me. If it is not of Your will for me please take it away. I love you so much.

Please restore me. Not only restore me, but continue to grow me. I have so much to learn and so little time. Help me. Be my Everything. The friend that I want to have; the companion that is not evident; a teacher who dispenses information freely; guide who shows me the way to go. I need you now. I need you now.