Love and Such

God,
What am I supposed to do. Even in complete isolation, I cannot hear you. I am so lost and I need you to find me. I feel so unloved sometimes. Everywhere I go I am angry. I am lashing out at friends. I am questioning friends. I am honestly questing every relationship I have. Of the few I do have. The people I trust and the people who love me have dwindles down to nothing. I don't know what friend are my friends. I don't know how to talk to people and I feel so detached and separated from everyone. I hold my opinions and emotions to myself. I remember at the beginning of this year asking you to show me your love and I feel like I have failed. I failed myself and I failed you. Rather than thoroughly seeking and questing for you; I settled for Jake. Jake who I allowed to lead me into perversion and sexual immorality. Matt, Matt who didn't care about me not even as friend. These two people have consumed the latter half of 2009.

Lord, I am so sorry. You are the love I am searching for, but I have been so stubborn and so hard headed and so foolish. I have been so scared to surrender my heart to you. I'm scared that I will get hurt. When I am only hurting myself. Lord forgive me. Cleanse me and continue to teach me. Continue growing me spiritually.

Help me in all aspects of my life. In this diet show me what to eat and what exercises to do.
In my day to day life prompt me on what to say and stop me from saying hurtful things to people. In school teach me with your complete understanding of the material. Continue to mature me and make me into what you want for me to be.

Lord I love you. I need you. I want you.

In all things I give you thanks. In Jesus Name,
Amen